Ego has been brought to my attention a lot lately, in others and in my self. I’ve recently noticed that when I’m around certain people and situations it comes up more. I got to thinking of this the other night when I realized, just like Eckhart Tolle talks about in his book, A New Earth, certain people & situations activate your ‘Pain Body’ more than others. (If you have not read this book it’s a beneficial investment of your time) This activation of what he calls the ‘Pain Body’ comes up in certain circumstances and around certain people more than others. I prefer to cultivate the more humble, loving, non-judgmental, open minded side of myself. That can be a difficult task. It’s a challenge to begin with and I am very sensitive to my environment so the people and places I put myself in really need to support this way of being.
Recently the a/c compressor in my car went out. It was going to cost me near $1000 to fix it. Those of you who are familiar with being a yoga teacher, who’s also newer in the industry, are likely aware we don’t typically have that kind of money laying around. So, I drove around for the past month or two with no a/c in Phoenix, AZ in 110 degree weather. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly thrilled. The moment I stepped into my car I was pouring sweat. I realized it was pointless to even fix my hair because I was drenched almost immediately after getting into my car! If you don’t have a/c you must drive with the windows down because otherwise you won’t be able to even breathe in the car. Which, then makes it very loud because you hear every single car, oversized vehicle and motorcycle on the road, horns honking, planes when they fly by and you can just forget it if you need to take or make any phone calls.
I can’t say I was real happy. In fact, some days I think it’s safe to say I felt downright angry! Grrr. I started to get down on myself and just life in general. OH LIFE. I started to feel a bit sorry for myself. Why do I have to deal with this? Hasn’t it been long enough that I’ve struggled? Why can’t I just have this or that? Why can’t I just be here or there?
Then I realized, one day while driving to teach a yoga class, just how free I felt. The breeze(warm breeze to be exact) blowing my hair all around, bugs flying in through the open window and landing on my arm, unable to talk on my phone & be distracted, music blasting some song from the 80’s. For a moment it felt good. I had a glimpse of realization. None of those other things I’d been wasting my time worrying about really mattered. Nothing was holding me down but myself. I felt free. It was like for one second I got it…..whatever ‘it’ is. I understood. I just felt it. I realized just how much and how easy it is to fall into the trap of the ego. What we want, who we think we should be, what we desire what we think we need so badly, our ideas and expectations. Man those feelings are exhausting. Every day is new. And every day we wake up there will be something or someone that challenges us. We don’t have to give in to the trap. We allow ourselves to fall into it. Who cares what others think about what we have or have not achieved.
This is where yoga is so great. We get still in our meditation, our savasana, our down time and even throughout our practice. We just watch ourself. Become the observer. So, that we can just forget we are there and be content. Moving closer to contentment, Santosha, with who we are and where we are in every single moment.
By the Grace of God, some really special people & a little bit of hard work I will have my a/c working again tomorrow! Whew. I am grateful.
When you’re in your day to day life notice how and when these feelings come up. They have a way of sneaking up on you and they can creep in often. Just notice. No judgment. No expectations. Then see if you can find some contentment in the moment. Remain centered, let go of your desires, your wants, fictitious ideas & standards you put on yourself and others. Even if only for a minute, it’s a minute longer than you had before. Can you let your ideas and conflicts go?? Do you feel the freedom once you do?
“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.” ~Deepak Chopra